Rise Above Fear : Pages from the Past

by - 10:48 AM

    To many of us fear doesn’t come all of a sudden; it needs a concrete reason for the door to be opened. The fear which I am focusing is not the ordinary inborn or mystical fears of human beings. When I mean ‘Fear’ it is the sudden blow which threatens you from doing some bustle which you always wished to do or had as an ambition. The tribulation caused by the fear is deep-seated and recovery remains uncertain. Without a strong will at the passion the fear will force one to limbo. I grew up taking risks and I loved taking them. Mystical fears surrounded till my age of 16, but the social environment which I grew up never threatened from taking life risks. In fact it encouraged me. I always felt that voting alone is not the right (actually duty) of a citizen, but raising voice against the delinquencies is also one such obligation which we rather follow. But all your courage and fearless attitude can be detonated all of a sudden.

   An accident which I met in September 2013 caused such trauma. I was in Chennai which is 70kms from my residence for giving an important examination. The exam centre was in a remote locality forcing me to skip food the entire day. As I got bus immediately after coming out of the examination hall, I decided to stay hungry and have food at home. The bus travelled along the scenic East Coast Road popularly called ECR and reached my vicinity around 06.30 in the evening.  I started my bike parked in a shed and noticed the petrol level to be low. I filled the tank in the nearest Indian Oil petrol bunk in the ECR and when I was about to turn back to my home, I received a call from my friend and he asked me to come to a tea shop where all our friends used to have tea. I travelled few more distance far from my home in the same road, had tea with them to temporarily satisfy my hungry stomach. It was 8 PM then and I received call from my home to enquire my whereabouts. So I bid adieu to my friends and started returning back. I was travelling at a speed of 60-70 km/hr, but it is an allowed average speed in that road and for my Pulsar. It was too dark to notice anything other than that visible in the beam of light. All of a sudden I noticed two small boys riding their cycle criss-cross entering my track. They came inside so instant, forcing me to push my handlebar away from them instead of applying break, which forced to skid in the road. The vehicle dragged me for several meters and I was rotating along my vehicle in the busy road where to my luck had no vehicle at that moment. I was lying in the road in front of the same petrol bunk where there was a queue still. Nobody wants to quit his line to rescue me; I woke up myself and lifted my vehicle to the corner. I was bleeding from my head and nose and one of my fingers went numb and it seemed to be a fracture. I was terribly shocked by the priority of the people and finally a woman who had shop near came with a bottle of water. People later surrounded me, but all were busy enquiring me how the incident occurred. None wants to waste their precious time by taking me to the hospital which is just a kilometre away. With torn clothes, blood and pain all over my body I called my friends who were still standing in the tea shop. It is then after their arrival I was taken to the hospital. I was taken to the Department of Atomic Energy hospital which is exclusive for the employees and their dependents working in DAE. I reached the hospital around 8.40PM and the duty doctor prescribed for a dressing and scan for head as it was continuously bleeding in nose. Though the boys who came inside my track had no severe injures except abrasions, their relatives came in search of me to the hospital to get compensation. In India it doesn’t matter who does mistake, the rider of the relatively bigger vehicle is criticized for the accident. But the harsh thing is, they were aware of my injuries and even then expected compensation citing that they want to make complete body check-up. My friends and relatives were managing the situation outside the hospital. The duty doctor requested a senior doctor to come to hospital as it didn’t stop bleeding. The doctor’s quarter is within the hospital premises, but the senior doctor took more than one and half hours to reach the spot. She was already late, but even then she was shouting at the juniors for not arranging proper vehicle for her arrival. She referred me to the nearest multispecialty hospital and I was taken in the ambulance. Till that moment I felt that I was normal and nothing has happened, but once the siren started to rotate in the ambulance fear started creeping in. It was 10.30PM and I was not sure whether I am feeling sleepy because of tiredness or I am falling unconscious due to the blood loss. I was taken to the hospital in another 30 minutes and was shifted immediately to the emergency room. Doctors surrounded me and I was immediately sent for multiple tests. I was made to lie down in the emergency room post all tests. All other cases which were admitted after me increased my fear of the society. One person was attacked by gang with knife and sickle and was suffering for life; where as other person has tried to commit suicide by consuming poison. The noises around created trauma within me. I always wished and wanted to be an honest civil servant, fighting against corruption and other issues in the society. But the way society treated me that day and cases around me in the emergency room made me afraid. It threatened me to carry on into the rest of my life smoothly throwing away all my ambitions and revolutionary ideas. My family and friends were waiting outside and their tears increased my fear of the society. I wondered what will happen to my family if something happens to me, as at that moment I was the lone bread winner. I had fracture in my fingers and a bone in my face. It took me several weeks to recover from the injury and the stability in little finger went unrecovered totally.

     I recovered from the incident later, but the trauma it caused didn't allow me to involve in focussing in my society oriented activities. Whenever you are in some distress there is always a way to come out. The incident of Major Mukund Varadarajan who was killed in an encounter with terrorist was in news. His bravery motivated me to throw away all my fears. In a game of Chess you lose only when you make a mistake. I listed my drawbacks and my negative aspects and tried to overcome them. My anger over the behaviour of the society in my incident cooled down, I realised that it is the needs which the society demands makes them run blind to the social evils in the life. Do your duty and do not expect anything in return turned to be my mantra. Now I am totally out of the fear which followed me like a shadow post incident. I have succeeded in overcoming my fear which caught me in between. A day to be a civil servant is not too far and working hard presently to fight against the evils in the society despite the risks (hurdles) involved.   

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